fear/approval

2 Timothy 1:6-9

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,"

-i must confess that often times within certain and particular contexts, i allow myself to be controlled by this spirit of timidity and fear that Paul speaks against here. there is a piece of this that i must take ownership of; that i have brought upon myself: "i'm young, inexperienced. they posses more wisdom than i do. they are of greater spiritual depth and maturity than i."

i recognize that this is bullshit. No one within the contexts in which i encounter these thoughts and fears have ever said these things to me, and i don't believe that anyone actually thinks them. and even if they do, should that affect or dictate anything about my life? do i recieve my identity or value from them ("no" is the correct answer to this)?

yet i still find myself battling this spirit so often...

here's what this verse is saying to me about all this-i am to fan into flame the gifts that God has given me, in a spirit of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE-NOT IN A SPIRIT OF TIMIDITY OR FEAR, and i can and must do this with confidence and assurance for the same reasons that i am confident and assured that God has saved me and called me to a holy life.

NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING I"VE DONE BUT BECAUSE OF THE PURPOSE AND GRACE GIVEN TO ME IN CHRIST JESUS!

i cannot fan into flame the gifts that God has given me if i am hoping that those same gifts are what will bring me confidence, approval, and value. can't, won't, will never.

AND, i will always be subject to this spirit of timidity and fear if i am seeking the approval of others.

i must recieve my approval and confidence from nothing other than the fact that God has His own purposes for me and has deemed me worthy of His grace. if i know to the core of my being that God has called me to His own purpose, and that He has given me grace, which is nothing short of bringing me from death to life, then why should i seek after someone else's approval?

God has in essence said to me, "you are worth rescuing; worth bringing back to life, and i want to include you in the things that i am doing."

where is there any place for fear in that knowledge...?