RESET!!

Long time, yes.

My small group begins our RESET journey tonight! The point of this "journey" is to RESET our assumptions, perspectives, understandings/misunderstandings, and expectations, etc. about who Jesus is, and to see him for who he truly is, as shown in and through his Word.

I'm mostly stoked, as well as a bit nervous. I've recently started to realize that one of the things i probably need to "reset," is this idea that Jesus cares about my comfort as much as i do. much as i might like it to be, this is completely inconsistent w/anything Jesus says in the Gospels. Not to the say that he doesn't give a rip, but that in the grand scheme of following Jesus, it's not really about my comfort (Luke 14:26-27).

All this on the first week. This is bound to be a challenging adventure!

-Luke 22:43,44

-Luke 22:43,44

"An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."

The setup for this passage is that Jesus had just finished celebrating the Passover with his disciples, which would come to be known as the Last Supper, and he's now on the Mount of Olives, talking to his Father.

In the verse directly preceding 43, Jesus asks God to "take this cup from me. Yet, not my will, but your will be done." He says, in essence, "Father, i know what's about to go down. I know that suffering and death are awaiting me. So if there's any other way to make this happen; if there's any other way to do what needs done, i'll take it. But if this is what has to happen, I'm in. I'll trust you."

So Jesus is talking to God about his impending crucifixion, and an angel shows up in verse 43 and strengthens him. And he continues praying and talking to his Father, but the next verse says he's in "anguish" and his sweat was like "drops of blood."

My first reaction to this passage is to wonder, why, if an angel showed up and strengthened him, was he still in anguish? Shouldn't the presence of a heavenly, sword-bearing angel alleviate that anguish? Apparently not.

What then, did the angel actually accomplish for Jesus. What was the effect of the strengthening?

The strength that this angel imparted to Jesus allowed him to perservere through his anguish and make it out on the other side, rather than be caught up in it and crushed by it.

Maybe this observation should be an obvious one, but it wasn't to me. Maybe this is because my unchecked expectation of God, is that He just pull me out of my hardships and any pain that comes with them, when in all actuallity He is far more interested in seeing me through those hardships and the pain that comes with them.

2 Corinthians 12:9- But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Maybe God's not interested in me having a pain-free existence. Maybe He wants me to experience His power, and knows that i get closer to Him when He is able to strengthen me and see me through my anguish.

Maybe?

day one...

It's been at least a couple of weeks since i've written anything. i recently (yesterday) made the decision to carve out a half-hour of time on Monday's, Wednesday, and Thursdays to write. This came at the prompting of a friend and co-worker who i respect on many levels and who has done an incredible job at being successfully disciplined in his creative gifts. So, anyhow, tooday is day one.

He talked about how often when we try to structure time into out day to write, create, whatever, there can be this sense of impending fear that when the alarm sounds and the clock begins, we will have nothing to say or bring to life. This certainly registered with me yesterday, but it absolutely became a reality as i sat down to write today (as demonstrated by the fact that i'm kind of writing about nothing).

Here's the thing i don't get. I have plenty going on. Plenty frustrations, plenty feelings, plenty on my mind. So why does it feel so difficult to find something to write about?

I've just made the decision to buy a new car. This entire process has been a bit of a personal and "spiritual" dilemma for me, not to mention it's one of the first major financial decisions my wife and i have made together in our first year or so of marriage.

I've also realized as i've embarked on the car-finding/buying ordeal-from-hell that i become way too stressed out when it comes to financial decisions. there's bound to be some level of stress when finances are involved, but i've been getting pretty stupid about the whole thing. i may have to seek pharmeceutical assistance when we start looking for a house...

so, yeah, plenty going on...why so difficult...?

tragic

so i was watching a (somewhat) recent episode of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" last night, and the episode featured a women who had adopted and was caring for children with HIV. During the episode, the makeover team visited a camp for children with or affected by HIV. Can't remember the name, but seemed like it was run by an incredible organization.

so while they're at this camp, a teenage attendee stands up to share how important and meaningful the acceptance she's felt at this camp has been for her. mind you, this girl has contracted hiv through no fault of her own (either birth or transfusion-shouldn't matter anyhow). she proceeds to explain how years prior, she and her family had decided to attend church together, presumbably as a means of seeking out some sort of community and support. what they experienced was the pastor of this church asking them not to return upon the knowledge of this young girl having hiv.

in an instant my heart sank and my eyes welled with tears, and in another instant i was filled with outrage. it took everything in me not to scream at the tv. "what the hell kind of a pastor does that!" "did this guy never read the gospels!?! "never read about jesus dining with and healing the sick and diseased?!" "this man cannot possibly know the same jesus i know!!"

as i step back from this today, i find myself battling an even wider range of emotions and entertaining even more questions. "how long ago was this?' "what did this pastor know about hiv?" "was he being hateful, or just trying to defend his flock the best he knew how?" "do any of these questions justify his actions?" "what about this girl?" "will she ever attend church again?" "will she ever seek God out again?" "has this experience been a permanent stumbling block to her?"

i think all of these questions and emotions are legitimate, but most of all, i think the church, along with this family, took a hit that day. the families' hit is obvious, the church's less so.

that pastor, well-intended or not, missed out on an opportunity to be Jesus-in-the-flesh to that family. his church missed an opportunity to be living love to a family that desperately needed community. it is of no small consequence that they had to find that community outside of the church, which i believe is one of the greatest tragedies the church can face. and because of all this, the body of Christ took the hit of missing the parts that this family would've been to the church. could there be a vacancy without them?

i don't have any answers, and certainly don't claim to have an authoritative perspective on this. i just know that it's tragic, for this girl and her family, for this pastor and his church, and for the body of Christ at-large, and i know that it sucks.

i am praying for a love that sees through and beyond fear, prejudice, ignorance, and anything else that stands in the way, because i know that i do not posess it on my own...

vocabulary corner

not much time to write today, but wanted to put a stake in the ground as to stuff that's been on my mind to start writing about.

i've recently been thinking about certain "churchy", but biblical words. there are lots of words found in scripture that we hear randomly in sermons or songs or other places, that more often than not carry very little meaning for us. seems like we either tend to use these words w/o giving any thought to their meaning, or we use them in contexts (particularly w/our non-believing friends) that just weird people out, or we avoid the words (and consequently the ideas behind them) altogether.

i think there are words in scripture that are foreign to us and our culture and upbringing, and these words and concepts can come across as strange or irrelevant, when in reality they are words of gravity and significance. words that are timeless, and if truly understood, shed light on the heart and character of God and his Son.

So, yeah. starting sometime soon, recognizing that this is a holiday weekend (just cutting myself some slack), i'm gonna start writing about some of the words that are coming to my mind.

Stuff like "Glory", "Holy", "Worship", etc. we'll see. should be fun, at least for me...

fear/approval

2 Timothy 1:6-9

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,"

-i must confess that often times within certain and particular contexts, i allow myself to be controlled by this spirit of timidity and fear that Paul speaks against here. there is a piece of this that i must take ownership of; that i have brought upon myself: "i'm young, inexperienced. they posses more wisdom than i do. they are of greater spiritual depth and maturity than i."

i recognize that this is bullshit. No one within the contexts in which i encounter these thoughts and fears have ever said these things to me, and i don't believe that anyone actually thinks them. and even if they do, should that affect or dictate anything about my life? do i recieve my identity or value from them ("no" is the correct answer to this)?

yet i still find myself battling this spirit so often...

here's what this verse is saying to me about all this-i am to fan into flame the gifts that God has given me, in a spirit of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE-NOT IN A SPIRIT OF TIMIDITY OR FEAR, and i can and must do this with confidence and assurance for the same reasons that i am confident and assured that God has saved me and called me to a holy life.

NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING I"VE DONE BUT BECAUSE OF THE PURPOSE AND GRACE GIVEN TO ME IN CHRIST JESUS!

i cannot fan into flame the gifts that God has given me if i am hoping that those same gifts are what will bring me confidence, approval, and value. can't, won't, will never.

AND, i will always be subject to this spirit of timidity and fear if i am seeking the approval of others.

i must recieve my approval and confidence from nothing other than the fact that God has His own purposes for me and has deemed me worthy of His grace. if i know to the core of my being that God has called me to His own purpose, and that He has given me grace, which is nothing short of bringing me from death to life, then why should i seek after someone else's approval?

God has in essence said to me, "you are worth rescuing; worth bringing back to life, and i want to include you in the things that i am doing."

where is there any place for fear in that knowledge...?